What ’s the unavowed ingredient to ahappy kinship ? The answer could rest in the way you reason .
psychologist from the University of Tennessee Knoxville have investigated how longsighted - terminal figure couples resolve their relationship problems and bones of disceptation . Overall , theresearchers found that couples who were happily married longer reported fewer serious outlet and generally argued less often . However , perhaps surprisingly , conflict is n’t always a uncollectible affair .
Happy couples , it appears , tend to address the conflicts that can in reality be solved , but lay to rest those that are not so resolvable . According to the researchers , the strategic decisiveness of picking your struggle may be one of the keys to a happy marriage .
" felicitous couples incline to take a solution - orient approach to conflict , and this is exonerated even in the topics that they pick out to talk over , ” lead author Amy Rauer , associate prof of child and family field , said in astatement .
“ Being able to successfully differentiate between issues that need to be break up versusthose that can be laid aside , for now , may be one of the key to a long - lasting , happy relationship . ”
report in the journalFamily Process , the team drew on two freestanding sample account for over 100 “ jubilantly married ” heterosexual couples . First up , they used a ego - reporting questionnaire to assess what subjects distich felt were problematic and which of these issues they actually clashed on . They also observed couples while they were attempting to resolve an yield and noted if and how the job was solve .
Their findings showed that dyad found subject such as intimacy , leisure , household chores , communication , and money as the most tough issues that were often pettifog about . On the other handwriting , subjects like jealousy , religion , and kinsfolk were scarcely argued about .
The problematic issue that were often argued about by the happy couples , such as who does the washing up , were often issues that had clear solution that can be easily acted on . Conversely , disagreements over faith or family are often deep - settle and thorny , meaning it can be problematical to plow and difficult to resolve .
“ Since these issues be given to be more unmanageable to resolve , they are more probable to head to less marital happiness or the dissolution of the relationship , peculiarly if couples have not banked up any previous successes solve other married issues , ” total Rauer .
“ Re - poise chore may not be easy , but it lend itself to more concrete solutions than other issues . "
