It can sometimes be soft to forget that a civilized political discourseispossible — peculiarly around theholidays , when family member with immensely different viewpoint gather around one table . Doing your good to develop above the fray ? Nineteenth C etiquette experts were full of ( amazingly ) timeless pieces of advice for discourse payoff with friend , fellow , and household members . Keep this leaning ready to hand this holiday time of year , and recall : political sympathies can get ugly , but the drawing way conversation does n’t have to .
Educate yourselfbeforeyou open your mouth.
“ It is very needed for one who hope to talk well , not only to be well acquainted with the current news show , and modern and ancient literature of his linguistic communication , but also with the historical events of the past and present of all country . He must not have a disordered idea of dates and history , but be able to give a clear account , not only of the principal events of the recent Rebellion , but also of those of the Revolutions of the past hundred , and of the time period of the Roman Empire , its rise and fall , and of the various authoritative event which have occurred in England , France , Italy , Germany , Switzerland , Turkey , and Russia . ”
— From Daisy Eyebright’sA Manual of Etiquette With Hints on Politeness and Good Breeding , 1873
Know where you stand …
“ Retain , if you will , a fix political opinion , yet do not promenade it upon all occasion , and , above all , do not endeavour to force others to agree with you . take heed calmly to their ideas upon the same subject , and if you could not agree , differ politely , and while your opposite may set you down as a bad politician , let him be obliged to admit that you are a gentleman . ”
— From Cecil B. Hartley’sA Gentleman ’s Guide to Etiquette , 1875
… But don’t be a know-it-all.
“ Never , when advancing an opinion , assert positively that a thing ' is so , ' but give your opinion as an belief . Say , ‘ I cogitate this is so , ’ or , ‘ these are my sight , ’ but remember that your companion may be better inform upon the field of study under discussion , or , where it is a bare topic of taste or impression , do not await that all the globe will palpate exactly as you do . ”
— From Florence Hartley’sThe Ladies ’ Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness , 1860
Don’t monopolize the conversation.
“ A piece is sure to show his good or bad cover the instant he spread out his mouth to talk in company … The ground is common to all , and no one has a rightfulness to monopolize any part of it for his own special opinions , in political science or faith . No one is there to make proselytes , but every one has been invited , to be agreeable and to please . ”
— From Arthur Martine’sMartine ’s Hand - Book of Etiquette and Guide to True Politeness , 1866
Know when to change the subject.
“ Whenever the ma’am or valet with whom you are hash out a point , whether of love life , war , science or politics , begins to doctor , drop the bailiwick instantly . Your adversary either wants the ability to keep his public opinion … or he want the still more useful power to yield the point with unaffected grace and proficient bodily fluid ; or what is also possible , his vanity is in some way engaged in fend for views on which he may plausibly have acted , so that to smash his ruling is perhaps to reprove his behaviour , and no well - breed man goes into high society for the purpose of sermonizing . ”
— FromMartine ’s Hand - Book of Etiquette and Guide to honest Politeness
Keepyourcool, too.
“ Even if win over that your adversary is dead wrong , yield graciously , decline further word , or dexterously deform the conversation , but do not mulishly defend your own opinion until you become angry … Many there are who , giving their opinion , not as an opinion but as a legal philosophy , will defend their position by such phrases , as : ‘ Well , if I were president or regulator , I would,’—and while by the warmth of their argument they essay that they are utterly ineffective to govern their own mood , they will endeavour to persuade you that they are perfectly competent to take charge of the government activity of the land . ”
— FromA Gentleman ’s scout to Etiquette
Whatever you do, do not take sides.
“ In a dispute , if you’re able to not reconcile the parties , withdraw from them . You will surely make one opposition , perhaps two , by take either side , in an statement when the speakers have lost their temper . ”
Try not to criticize politicians … if there are politicians present.
“ It is bad personal manner to satirise lawyers in the presence of lawyers , or doctors in the presence of one of that vocation , and so of all the professions . Nor should you train against graft and depravity in the presence of pol … or members of Congress , as they will have good reason to suppose that you are hinting at them . ”
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A version of this story ran in 2016 ; it has been update for 2024 .
