With the release of Star Trek , last week’sX - Isle of Man Origins : Wolverineis already older news . In this ever - modify fast - moving picture show landscape , where can you reverse for some appreciation of the now ? Apparently not 7 - Eleven .
So , project the scene ; last Friday , Wolverine ’s opening and disappointing all manner of rooter who ’d want something along the lines of “ a narrative ” to accompany their disturbingly - over - buff action heroes , and I go into my local 7 - 11 hope to mark the occasion witha Mutant Berry Slurpeeonly to detect … they ’re gone . Already . On the daytime the movie opens . alternatively , it ’s all about theTerminator Salvation Apocalyptic Ice Slurpeenow , apparently .
This boggles my psyche in a turn of ways . To card :
( This is meant more in the larger outline of things than a particular plea to ponder the Wolverine movie any longer than absolutely necessary , by the way ; I ’m not sure that there ’s enough to even actually earn the word “ ponder ” in Wolverine , but that ’s neither here nor there . It ’s a point of principle , dammit . )
Since when has Terminator been the variety of franchise that you think “ Ah , yes , a slurpee crosstie - in ” ? I get that the cultural landscape is such these days that it ’s not enough for a blockbuster to be just a blockbuster any longer ; it ’s 20 year after Tim Burton ’s Batman , and the stigma - happy Batmania school of sentiment has become the rife one in Hollywood , after all . But there ’s something about theTerminator Salvationtie - ins that just seem … I do n’t know , more cynical and much more lacking - the - stop - of - the - movie than usual . The Terminator enfranchisement is one that fancies itself as dark , adult comment on man ’s family relationship with engineering despite the explosions and the catchphrases and Axl Rose squeak that yew cewd be mih - ih - iiine in T2 , and that intent , pretentious or not , is entirely undercut by seeing a Jeep dual Thomas Nelson Page ad in this week ’s People magazine that features a Terminator robot standing in a stream , fishing , with the tagline “ Everyone can utilize a little break of serve from judgment day . ”
( There are so many nerdy response to that ad that I have to fight to keep down , to stop myself becoming the bozo plain about continuity nitpicks that no - one really cares about or even notices , but I ca n’t help myself with this particular one : The Terminator Robots Do n’t Take Breaks ! THAT ’S THE WHOLE POINT . They ’re unstoppable cleanup machines , not “ hardworking , but occasionally like to take breaks to go fishing , and who can envy them that , they ’ve been working so firmly ” killing machines . Ahem . )
It ’s the same affair with slurpee draw - Indiana ; with a movie like X - Men – or any of the other movies that’ve had the honor of becoming slurpee promotional flavors , like The Incredible Hulk , Spider - Man 3 , Iron Man or The Simpsons , for that matter – there ’s almost something of an constitutional cheesiness , an already sell - out , timbre that piss it easier to shrug this sort of thing off . They ’re moving-picture show without A content ; they ’re there to toy with and for the kids , so why not a slurpee ? But Terminator : Salvation ? Really ? Is n’t that the movie that McG is trying so intemperately to convince us is a movie that is n’t just a cash - in on the earlier moving picture , but a serious , grim , movie with a determination behind it ? You ’ll have to excuse me ; the cognitive dissension has given me a concern .
Who would desire to drink something called anApocalyptic Ice Slurpee , anyway ? Perhaps the most serious ailment , of course . They could n’t have come up with a better name ? I could whole have go for “ Ice Be Back ” . Or “ T - Yum Hundred . ” If you ’re become to deal out , mass , then put some thought into it .
There ’s an element of aimless raging against the machine here , of course ; it ’s unbelievable that anyone will suddenly turn the Movie Machine into reverse and give up pic to breathe in the marketplace , nor cut back on the number of absurd and inappropriate product standoff - ins to movies ( Although , I have to admit , I still remember thatthe Wolverine Schick Quattro Razoris a accident of selling wizard ) . I just wish that someone would go out which movies can support them , and which 1 terminate up bet regretful because of them .
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